Enjoy The Tunnel

I came to NYC to work for a production company three years ago.  The limo picked me up & took me through the Lincoln Tunnel.  

Little did I know that was yet another metaphor for my life.  Going through the tunnel would lead me to a life I never imagined.  Or maybe I did imagine it, i just never never imagined I’d act on it.

 I remember feeling nervous excitement during that ride through the tunnel.  I soaked it up knowing that as soon as I hit the end of the tunnel my life would never be the same.

I recently went through that same tunnel.  All the feelings of my first time through came flooding back.  The only difference is this time at the end of the tunnel was my home.  

I found my way through the darkness & not only found the light, but also found my home.  I realized the light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel was coming from inside me, not anything or anyone outside of me.

 I am the light.

My true self has been waiting for me at the end of every dark tunnel I’ve ever been through. 

The light always comes.  This I promise you.  The tunnel won’t last forever.  Some are longer, some are shorter, but there’s always a light at the end.  You are the light.

 Don’t walk.

Run to your high beam brilliance.


On This Day One Year Ago...

Every morning since we moved to NYC from Arizona feels like I’m Nicolas Cage in the movie “Family Man”.  Nothing is familiar even after 10 months of living here.  

I wake up in a queen size bed, horns & sirens blaring outside that my noisy window a/c unit can’t even drown out.

 I wait for my teen daughter to be done in our one bathroom before I can even pee.  I go out to our dining room/living room/office to my hubby talking loud on a biz call and cook in a hot kitchen with no a/c toppling everything over in the cramped space.

My dog has to go outside which means I have to put on a bra, shoes & actual clothes since I train clients in my building who I run Into.  I wait forever for her to pee since she still isn’t used to relieving herself publicly on the sidewalk.  

No one is familiar even after 10 months.  I see clients & think “You are very nice but where are all my Az BAMs?” I facetime my Az clients & hate the barrier of the phone between us wishing I could walk thru my Apple iPhone portal to give them a hug.

I somehow got myself elected as PA President of Beacon High school.  I run board meetings hearing all the demands & think  “Who are you people & what do you want from me?”  

The one familiar person I knew here who actually wanted me to come here has declared “I am dead” to him.  He’s correct: the Az Lis is dead.  

NYC Lis has been resurrected in her place.  Even though that friendship turned out to be toxic I still miss him.  He was the only familiar person besides my family here.  

There are times I feel so homesick for my former life, my tribe, that it physically hurts.  I long for our small tight knit catholic school community who prayed for us & openly talked about God.  I don’t hear the “G” word mentioned much & get the feeling it’s a taboo subject here.  

I get into my via carpool service enduring smells & conversations I do not wish to have.  I endure the subway & all its cattle car qualities complete with a myriad of distinct odors  

I lug my laundry down to the basement hoping there is an open washer & dryer. There are times when I just break down & sob telling my family let’s go back home.  Everything in NYC is harder, takes longer, is a fight.  

Yet...I have no regrets.  

As difficult as it is here, it would be much more difficult sittting in my 3,000 sq ft house with 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, letting my dog out to relieve herself in her spacious backyard complete with a pool, my central a/c,  a kitchen the size of my entire nyc apt, driving my car around enjoying the solitude & lovely fresh new car scent, doing laundry in my own washing machine, waking up in my king size bed & lingering in my private jacuzzi tub. 

The trade off of seeing all my familiar, loving people and keeping all the comforts of my former life would have been the nagging question that we would have been asking every day:  “What would have happened if we had said yes to Beacon High school & moved to NYC?”

I’d be disappointed in myself that I chose to stay comfortable, that I chose convenience over challenge, that I chose to not grow.

So yes it’s fucking hard since I moved here but not nearly as hard as the regrets I’d have if we hadn’t moved. 

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Soul

Took me awhile to publish this.

 This rejection knocked the wind out of my sails.

 I chose coming to the Soul Cycle audition in New York City over being there when my daughter said goodbye to the only home she ever knew in Tucson.

I chose the audition over driving across country with my daughter, husband & dog to move to our new home in NYC.

  In addition to the emptiness I felt from the rejection of not making the Soul Cycle cut, I endured the emptiness of a hot apartment for a week after the audition waiting for my family to arrive.  

It was one of the darkest times in my life.  I woke up every morning feeling literally sick to my stomach-now I know why it's called homesick.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt vulnerable. 

I doubted myself, cursed myself, felt sorry for myself.  I felt lost & completely alone questioning every decision that I made.  

All I could see was darkness.

 It's been 2 months & I am no longer afraid of getting lost.  I now know that the journey back reveals something new.  I molted.  New feathers have formed.  New realities have revealed a new way for me to fly. Deeper understanding of who I am, and what I can do.  A stronger me.  Clear on what I want.  What I am.  

I am Lisa Ceizyk, owner, founder of simpatico mind & body.   

I am all heart & soul even without Soul Cycle.  

I am a BAM.

I once was lost.  

Now I'm found.  

Was blind--but now I see.  

 

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Famous Soul Move 

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Here I go...

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Words of wisdom from my baby...

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Videos of my Soul Journey... 

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What I want now... 

My New Gym

The last 20lbs I lost melted off in the great outdoors. 

The last few bitches I like to call them.  I would meet my trainer in cold weather, scorching hot weather, rain, didn't matter I was there to train. 

Anyone can train in the comfort of a climate controlled gym.  If you really want to condition your body train outdoors. 

You will naturally work on balance navigating uneven terrain. 

You will work with resistance, running against the wind.

Your cardiovascular system will get a workout battling the elements of weather. 

You will work on agility dodging dogs, dog poop & people. 

There are stairs you can climb to lift your booty.  Benches you can do dips off of & step ups on.

My own coach in Arizona, Andrea Atkins, recently reminded me of this. I was complaining that I don't have a gym here in NYC yet.  She replied "A gym? You don't need a gym!  Create your own.  Use the great outdooors as your playground AKA gym."

Thanks Coach!  Even from afar you are motivating me 😘