Enjoy The Tunnel

I came to NYC to work for a production company three years ago.  The limo picked me up & took me through the Lincoln Tunnel.  

Little did I know that was yet another metaphor for my life.  Going through the tunnel would lead me to a life I never imagined.  Or maybe I did imagine it, i just never never imagined I’d act on it.

 I remember feeling nervous excitement during that ride through the tunnel.  I soaked it up knowing that as soon as I hit the end of the tunnel my life would never be the same.

I recently went through that same tunnel.  All the feelings of my first time through came flooding back.  The only difference is this time at the end of the tunnel was my home.  

I found my way through the darkness & not only found the light, but also found my home.  I realized the light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel was coming from inside me, not anything or anyone outside of me.

 I am the light.

My true self has been waiting for me at the end of every dark tunnel I’ve ever been through. 

The light always comes.  This I promise you.  The tunnel won’t last forever.  Some are longer, some are shorter, but there’s always a light at the end.  You are the light.

 Don’t walk.

Run to your high beam brilliance.


On This Day One Year Ago...

Every morning since we moved to NYC from Arizona feels like I’m Nicolas Cage in the movie “Family Man”.  Nothing is familiar even after 10 months of living here.  

I wake up in a queen size bed, horns & sirens blaring outside that my noisy window a/c unit can’t even drown out.

 I wait for my teen daughter to be done in our one bathroom before I can even pee.  I go out to our dining room/living room/office to my hubby talking loud on a biz call and cook in a hot kitchen with no a/c toppling everything over in the cramped space.

My dog has to go outside which means I have to put on a bra, shoes & actual clothes since I train clients in my building who I run Into.  I wait forever for her to pee since she still isn’t used to relieving herself publicly on the sidewalk.  

No one is familiar even after 10 months.  I see clients & think “You are very nice but where are all my Az BAMs?” I facetime my Az clients & hate the barrier of the phone between us wishing I could walk thru my Apple iPhone portal to give them a hug.

I somehow got myself elected as PA President of Beacon High school.  I run board meetings hearing all the demands & think  “Who are you people & what do you want from me?”  

The one familiar person I knew here who actually wanted me to come here has declared “I am dead” to him.  He’s correct: the Az Lis is dead.  

NYC Lis has been resurrected in her place.  Even though that friendship turned out to be toxic I still miss him.  He was the only familiar person besides my family here.  

There are times I feel so homesick for my former life, my tribe, that it physically hurts.  I long for our small tight knit catholic school community who prayed for us & openly talked about God.  I don’t hear the “G” word mentioned much & get the feeling it’s a taboo subject here.  

I get into my via carpool service enduring smells & conversations I do not wish to have.  I endure the subway & all its cattle car qualities complete with a myriad of distinct odors  

I lug my laundry down to the basement hoping there is an open washer & dryer. There are times when I just break down & sob telling my family let’s go back home.  Everything in NYC is harder, takes longer, is a fight.  

Yet...I have no regrets.  

As difficult as it is here, it would be much more difficult sittting in my 3,000 sq ft house with 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, letting my dog out to relieve herself in her spacious backyard complete with a pool, my central a/c,  a kitchen the size of my entire nyc apt, driving my car around enjoying the solitude & lovely fresh new car scent, doing laundry in my own washing machine, waking up in my king size bed & lingering in my private jacuzzi tub. 

The trade off of seeing all my familiar, loving people and keeping all the comforts of my former life would have been the nagging question that we would have been asking every day:  “What would have happened if we had said yes to Beacon High school & moved to NYC?”

I’d be disappointed in myself that I chose to stay comfortable, that I chose convenience over challenge, that I chose to not grow.

So yes it’s fucking hard since I moved here but not nearly as hard as the regrets I’d have if we hadn’t moved. 

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How Did I Get My Daughter Into a Top Ten Manhattan School?

One decision changed the course of our lives.  If my daughter had not gotten into Beacon High School I never would have moved here.   I also knew if she did get in we were going to give her this opportunity no matter the cost.

 I left it in God’s hands and prayed “Ok God I will go where you lead us”.  On July 15th I got official notice she got in.  We put our house on the market.  Aug.4th I was on a plane to move & set up a landing pad for us.  

We lost much in the process—a home we had lived in for 14 years, our savings, and the familiarity of a a comfortable suburban life   We left behind our family & friends & had to start our careers & life over in a city where we knew only one person.

What we gained is so much more valuable than what we lost: strength as a family, showing our daughter by example that you can do anything you put your mind to, & most important: how to be brave.  Thank you fear: without you we couldn’t have been brave.

Do I ever regret it?  Yes.

But I would have regretted not doing it so much more. 

Click on link below to view more of the story of my unusual way of getting my daughter into this top 10 Manhattan Highschool:

Proud Beacon Highschool Student  

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Even prouder Beacon Highschool Parent  

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Legit invite this year  

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The portal to our new NYC life  

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My New Gym

The last 20lbs I lost melted off in the great outdoors. 

The last few bitches I like to call them.  I would meet my trainer in cold weather, scorching hot weather, rain, didn't matter I was there to train. 

Anyone can train in the comfort of a climate controlled gym.  If you really want to condition your body train outdoors. 

You will naturally work on balance navigating uneven terrain. 

You will work with resistance, running against the wind.

Your cardiovascular system will get a workout battling the elements of weather. 

You will work on agility dodging dogs, dog poop & people. 

There are stairs you can climb to lift your booty.  Benches you can do dips off of & step ups on.

My own coach in Arizona, Andrea Atkins, recently reminded me of this. I was complaining that I don't have a gym here in NYC yet.  She replied "A gym? You don't need a gym!  Create your own.  Use the great outdooors as your playground AKA gym."

Thanks Coach!  Even from afar you are motivating me 😘

My Happy Place

My favorite view from our NYC apartment.  

Elliana's backyard.  

I love to sit on the windowsill & drink my coffee fresh from my new percolator.  I left my Keurig back in Az since it didn't seem like a good idea to pour boiling hot water through plastic.

I add butter for a little fat to ward off the caffeine crash.  And stevia to sweeten it.  

If you ever get a chance try Stumptown coffee.  It's my favorite. It's also our favorite coffee hangout in NYC!   

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The night we moved in I drank this looking out at my favorite view.  A little Malbec cures all.  

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Afterall, emptying all of this was a bit exhausting.   

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Notice my big stability ball, spin bike & weights!  Necessities no matter how small our apartment is!