Out of Comfort Zone

Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

Some of my best moments come from stepping out of my comfort zone.  

This one in particular was uncomfortable for many reasons.  I had to learn the art of spinning, get comfortable with cardio, find my rhythm & wow the Soul Cycle judges in a 60 second window. 

Oh & did I mention practicing for this while sorting through & packing up my 3,000 sq foot house to move to a 1,000 sq ft NYC apartment?  

But none of that was as uncomfortable as having to move one week before my husband & daughter so that I could be there for the Soul Cycle audition.    

I missed out on saying good bye with my daughter to the house she’d grown up in the last 15 years.  

Missed out on walking through the empty house remembering the princess birthday parties, the the Thanksgiving dinners, the leisurely pancake breakfasts with Elliana playing guitar in the background, and making s’mores in the backyard.  

Missed out on watching the house get smaller in the rear view mirror as the Penske truck pulled away from the only life she’d ever known. 

So why did I choose the Soul Cycle audition over all that?  Because my daughter said “Mom,  if you don’t go you will always wonder, what if??!!”.  

On This Day One Year Ago...

Every morning since we moved to NYC from Arizona feels like I’m Nicolas Cage in the movie “Family Man”.  Nothing is familiar even after 10 months of living here.  

I wake up in a queen size bed, horns & sirens blaring outside that my noisy window a/c unit can’t even drown out.

 I wait for my teen daughter to be done in our one bathroom before I can even pee.  I go out to our dining room/living room/office to my hubby talking loud on a biz call and cook in a hot kitchen with no a/c toppling everything over in the cramped space.

My dog has to go outside which means I have to put on a bra, shoes & actual clothes since I train clients in my building who I run Into.  I wait forever for her to pee since she still isn’t used to relieving herself publicly on the sidewalk.  

No one is familiar even after 10 months.  I see clients & think “You are very nice but where are all my Az BAMs?” I facetime my Az clients & hate the barrier of the phone between us wishing I could walk thru my Apple iPhone portal to give them a hug.

I somehow got myself elected as PA President of Beacon High school.  I run board meetings hearing all the demands & think  “Who are you people & what do you want from me?”  

The one familiar person I knew here who actually wanted me to come here has declared “I am dead” to him.  He’s correct: the Az Lis is dead.  

NYC Lis has been resurrected in her place.  Even though that friendship turned out to be toxic I still miss him.  He was the only familiar person besides my family here.  

There are times I feel so homesick for my former life, my tribe, that it physically hurts.  I long for our small tight knit catholic school community who prayed for us & openly talked about God.  I don’t hear the “G” word mentioned much & get the feeling it’s a taboo subject here.  

I get into my via carpool service enduring smells & conversations I do not wish to have.  I endure the subway & all its cattle car qualities complete with a myriad of distinct odors  

I lug my laundry down to the basement hoping there is an open washer & dryer. There are times when I just break down & sob telling my family let’s go back home.  Everything in NYC is harder, takes longer, is a fight.  

Yet...I have no regrets.  

As difficult as it is here, it would be much more difficult sittting in my 3,000 sq ft house with 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, letting my dog out to relieve herself in her spacious backyard complete with a pool, my central a/c,  a kitchen the size of my entire nyc apt, driving my car around enjoying the solitude & lovely fresh new car scent, doing laundry in my own washing machine, waking up in my king size bed & lingering in my private jacuzzi tub. 

The trade off of seeing all my familiar, loving people and keeping all the comforts of my former life would have been the nagging question that we would have been asking every day:  “What would have happened if we had said yes to Beacon High school & moved to NYC?”

I’d be disappointed in myself that I chose to stay comfortable, that I chose convenience over challenge, that I chose to not grow.

So yes it’s fucking hard since I moved here but not nearly as hard as the regrets I’d have if we hadn’t moved. 

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How Did I Get My Daughter Into a Top Ten Manhattan School?

One decision changed the course of our lives.  If my daughter had not gotten into Beacon High School I never would have moved here.   I also knew if she did get in we were going to give her this opportunity no matter the cost.

 I left it in God’s hands and prayed “Ok God I will go where you lead us”.  On July 15th I got official notice she got in.  We put our house on the market.  Aug.4th I was on a plane to move & set up a landing pad for us.  

We lost much in the process—a home we had lived in for 14 years, our savings, and the familiarity of a a comfortable suburban life   We left behind our family & friends & had to start our careers & life over in a city where we knew only one person.

What we gained is so much more valuable than what we lost: strength as a family, showing our daughter by example that you can do anything you put your mind to, & most important: how to be brave.  Thank you fear: without you we couldn’t have been brave.

Do I ever regret it?  Yes.

But I would have regretted not doing it so much more. 

Click on link below to view more of the story of my unusual way of getting my daughter into this top 10 Manhattan Highschool:

Proud Beacon Highschool Student  

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Even prouder Beacon Highschool Parent  

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Legit invite this year  

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The portal to our new NYC life  

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Destinations

Destinations are where we begin again... 

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