My Secret

Everybody has a chapter they don’t read out loud.

My chapter was my weight.  

When I weighed 226lbs only God & my doctor knew.  Then my trainer.  But not one other soul.  

I was ashamed.  I felt weak.  I felt powerless.  I felt out of control on the inside and it showed on the outside.  I wasn’t fooling anybody least of all myself.  

I wouldn’t go to the pool or beach since I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bathing suit.  I avoided reunions or any event that involved people I hadn’t seen in a long time.

 I stopped being in pictures or would hide in the picture.  My daughter was a great shield to hide behind. I avoided going to the doctor since I didn’t want to be weighed.

I stopped living my life.  It shows in my scrapbooks.  My daughter asked why I stopped scrapbooking after her 5th birthday.

 I stopped because my life stopped when I got fat.  I didn’t want to memorialize that time in my life.

You are only as sick as your secrets.  I was very sick when I weighed 226lbs.  I had diabetes, high blood pressure, my triglycerides were 700 & I was on Prozac for PMDD (PMS that makes everyone around you hide).

The layers of fat weren’t the worst part.  I was trapped in my own mind,  A prisoner in solitary confinement.   

Then one day I told my story. And not just to one person but hundreds of people in a talk at my gym when I first became a trainer.  Even worse they had a giant picture of my fatness displayed behind me for everyone to see.  

It was freeing to tell my story, my secret.  I shook, I cried & I blushed from embarrassment as I felt each shackle release.

Afterwards I was bombarded by women who were holding on to their secrets.   They were crying and thanking me for being so brave, so real.  

That was the start of a new life-giving career for me.  

Reading that chapter out loud healed my mind, heart & soul.  I had already lost 80lbs but the 226lb Lisa was still inside me.  

I closed that chapter after reading it out loud. I finally let 226lb Lisa go.  I thanked her for what she taught me, but asked her to never come back again. 

I became a difference maker.  

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