Every morning since we moved to NYC from Arizona feels like I’m Nicolas Cage in the movie “Family Man”. Nothing is familiar even after 10 months of living here.
I wake up in a queen size bed, horns & sirens blaring outside that my noisy window a/c unit can’t even drown out.
I wait for my teen daughter to be done in our one bathroom before I can even pee. I go out to our dining room/living room/office to my hubby talking loud on a biz call and cook in a hot kitchen with no a/c toppling everything over in the cramped space.
My dog has to go outside which means I have to put on a bra, shoes & actual clothes since I train clients in my building who I run Into. I wait forever for her to pee since she still isn’t used to relieving herself publicly on the sidewalk.
No one is familiar even after 10 months. I see clients & think “You are very nice but where are all my Az BAMs?” I facetime my Az clients & hate the barrier of the phone between us wishing I could walk thru my Apple iPhone portal to give them a hug.
I somehow got myself elected as PA President of Beacon High school. I run board meetings hearing all the demands & think “Who are you people & what do you want from me?”
The one familiar person I knew here who actually wanted me to come here has declared “I am dead” to him. He’s correct: the Az Lis is dead.
NYC Lis has been resurrected in her place. Even though that friendship turned out to be toxic I still miss him. He was the only familiar person besides my family here.
There are times I feel so homesick for my former life, my tribe, that it physically hurts. I long for our small tight knit catholic school community who prayed for us & openly talked about God. I don’t hear the “G” word mentioned much & get the feeling it’s a taboo subject here.
I get into my via carpool service enduring smells & conversations I do not wish to have. I endure the subway & all its cattle car qualities complete with a myriad of distinct odors
I lug my laundry down to the basement hoping there is an open washer & dryer. There are times when I just break down & sob telling my family let’s go back home. Everything in NYC is harder, takes longer, is a fight.
Yet...I have no regrets.
As difficult as it is here, it would be much more difficult sittting in my 3,000 sq ft house with 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, letting my dog out to relieve herself in her spacious backyard complete with a pool, my central a/c, a kitchen the size of my entire nyc apt, driving my car around enjoying the solitude & lovely fresh new car scent, doing laundry in my own washing machine, waking up in my king size bed & lingering in my private jacuzzi tub.
The trade off of seeing all my familiar, loving people and keeping all the comforts of my former life would have been the nagging question that we would have been asking every day: “What would have happened if we had said yes to Beacon High school & moved to NYC?”
I’d be disappointed in myself that I chose to stay comfortable, that I chose convenience over challenge, that I chose to not grow.
So yes it’s fucking hard since I moved here but not nearly as hard as the regrets I’d have if we hadn’t moved.
It’s never to late to rewrite your life. I have many times over. My biggest rewrite came after my weight loss journey.
I had no idea how much my story would change. I became a trainer in my forties, and moved to NYC at 48 years old after living in Arizona for nearly 3 decades. I opened up my own successful company at 45 years old.
I ran for PA President of a top Manhattan school at 49 years old & won the election even though I’d never held or ran for office.
I went from being painfully shy to speaking in front of hundreds of people on a regular basis. I found my voice at age 45 & it keeps getting louder.
I changed the characters in my story when needed. During my weight loss journey I could not hang around people who didn’t value or respect my health & fitness lifestyle. It’s no different than an alcoholic getting out of rehab & not being able to hang around her drinking buddies anymore.
When I moved to NYC I knew one person, one “friend”. He encouraged my family to move but when I arrived he became toxic to both me & my family. I held on too long because I thought I needed him since I had no one familiar here.
The familiar—the comfortable—can keep you stuck in jobs, relationships & circumstances too long. My weight loss journey taught me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
When I finally stepped out of my comfort zone new doors opened even when old doors slammed shut. My life truly began after I lost 80 pounds because I became the main character in my own story.
I decided I had the power to rewrite my life as many times as needed until it was truly my own.
Click on this link to hear more about rewriting your life. You are worth it.