Everybody has a chapter they don’t read out loud.
My chapter was my weight.
When I weighed 226lbs only God & my doctor knew. Then my trainer. But not one other soul.
I was ashamed. I felt weak. I felt powerless. I felt out of control on the inside and it showed on the outside. I wasn’t fooling anybody least of all myself.
I wouldn’t go to the pool or beach since I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bathing suit. I avoided reunions or any event that involved people I hadn’t seen in a long time.
I stopped being in pictures or would hide in the picture. My daughter was a great shield to hide behind. I avoided going to the doctor since I didn’t want to be weighed.
I stopped living my life. It shows in my scrapbooks. My daughter asked why I stopped scrapbooking after her 5th birthday.
I stopped because my life stopped when I got fat. I didn’t want to memorialize that time in my life.
You are only as sick as your secrets. I was very sick when I weighed 226lbs. I had diabetes, high blood pressure, my triglycerides were 700 & I was on Prozac for PMDD (PMS that makes everyone around you hide).
The layers of fat weren’t the worst part. I was trapped in my own mind, A prisoner in solitary confinement.
Then one day I told my story. And not just to one person but hundreds of people in a talk at my gym when I first became a trainer. Even worse they had a giant picture of my fatness displayed behind me for everyone to see.
It was freeing to tell my story, my secret. I shook, I cried & I blushed from embarrassment as I felt each shackle release.
Afterwards I was bombarded by women who were holding on to their secrets. They were crying and thanking me for being so brave, so real.
That was the start of a new life-giving career for me.
Reading that chapter out loud healed my mind, heart & soul. I had already lost 80lbs but the 226lb Lisa was still inside me.
I closed that chapter after reading it out loud. I finally let 226lb Lisa go. I thanked her for what she taught me, but asked her to never come back again.
I became a difference maker.