I came to NYC to work for a production company three years ago. The limo picked me up & took me through the Lincoln Tunnel.
Little did I know that was yet another metaphor for my life. Going through the tunnel would lead me to a life I never imagined. Or maybe I did imagine it, i just never never imagined I’d act on it.
I remember feeling nervous excitement during that ride through the tunnel. I soaked it up knowing that as soon as I hit the end of the tunnel my life would never be the same.
I recently went through that same tunnel. All the feelings of my first time through came flooding back. The only difference is this time at the end of the tunnel was my home.
I found my way through the darkness & not only found the light, but also found my home. I realized the light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel was coming from inside me, not anything or anyone outside of me.
I am the light.
My true self has been waiting for me at the end of every dark tunnel I’ve ever been through.
The light always comes. This I promise you. The tunnel won’t last forever. Some are longer, some are shorter, but there’s always a light at the end. You are the light.
Run to your high beam brilliance.
Everybody has a chapter they don’t read out loud.
My chapter was my weight.
When I weighed 226lbs only God & my doctor knew. Then my trainer. But not one other soul.
I was ashamed. I felt weak. I felt powerless. I felt out of control on the inside and it showed on the outside. I wasn’t fooling anybody least of all myself.
I wouldn’t go to the pool or beach since I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bathing suit. I avoided reunions or any event that involved people I hadn’t seen in a long time.
I stopped being in pictures or would hide in the picture. My daughter was a great shield to hide behind. I avoided going to the doctor since I didn’t want to be weighed.
I stopped living my life. It shows in my scrapbooks. My daughter asked why I stopped scrapbooking after her 5th birthday.
I stopped because my life stopped when I got fat. I didn’t want to memorialize that time in my life.
You are only as sick as your secrets. I was very sick when I weighed 226lbs. I had diabetes, high blood pressure, my triglycerides were 700 & I was on Prozac for PMDD (PMS that makes everyone around you hide).
The layers of fat weren’t the worst part. I was trapped in my own mind, A prisoner in solitary confinement.
Then one day I told my story. And not just to one person but hundreds of people in a talk at my gym when I first became a trainer. Even worse they had a giant picture of my fatness displayed behind me for everyone to see.
It was freeing to tell my story, my secret. I shook, I cried & I blushed from embarrassment as I felt each shackle release.
Afterwards I was bombarded by women who were holding on to their secrets. They were crying and thanking me for being so brave, so real.
That was the start of a new life-giving career for me.
Reading that chapter out loud healed my mind, heart & soul. I had already lost 80lbs but the 226lb Lisa was still inside me.
I closed that chapter after reading it out loud. I finally let 226lb Lisa go. I thanked her for what she taught me, but asked her to never come back again.
I became a difference maker.
My clients are my gifts...